What I Was Feeling

The sun against my back was warm, an unending comfort, that, in the end, was silenced by loss and pain. The world was spinning, secrets were my specialty, but these secrets, when mixed with love and death, the love of my sweet Daisy, and the death of an innocent woman, whose only crime was stepping into the way of the car, were setting me far over the edge, and I felt like I was about to snap. A servant, I believe his name was Ricky, though I was never quite sure, as I had fired the old staff, had drawn the pool, and prepared the day, a day I would never experience. I heard yelling, vicious yelling, and it's sad to say the first thing I thought, was that Daisy had been discovered. But as the yelling grew louder, louder still, and I turned my head, it was the powerful blast of a gun that made my eyes go wide. A ringing of a bell reverberated through my ears, and though I could see the sun, my body was quickly growing cold. With wide eyes, I brought a hand up to my chest, and felt, with cold fingers, a beautiful red. I remember, my eyes looking back up, with confusion, to see the yelling man, though I do not know his name, bring upon himself the same fate that was given to me, as his body landed with a dull thud in the water. And that blue pool, and that warm sun, were stained as red as my fingers, as red as my soul. My eyes spun, my heart thudded loudly, slowly, quietly, like a murmur of a prayer losing heart, before I fell, and my last look of the world, such a beautiful world, filled with friends and laughter and love, was the sun. And though I could not feel it's warmth, I knew, with a sad smile, that my Daisy, my sweet love, would forever know that heat, and in that heat, the reminder of my love. I felt no more.

Why I Took The Blame

The car hit her. I'm not sure who, old sport, though I later found out it was Tom's mistress, and for that, I was sorry, but only because there was another woman who found herself on the grasps of such an ugly soul, and died such an ugly death. I knew she was dead, I heard the awful splatter as her bones shattered against the windshield. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind at that moment. Daisy would be put away, locked behind bars where her sunlight would never see the world again, would never make the sun smile, nor the birds sing, nor the rain fall. I make a decision, in that very moment, to drive away. An awful decision, perhaps, one that I am not proud of, old sport, but... Daisy, despite her love for Tom, was always, and forever would be, my angel. My true love. To think of her in such a way, locked up.. I couldn't stand it. So I'll take the blame, should anyone know it was my car that her body did die upon. There is no other way. All I can do is pray, pray to some other God, that no one knows it was her, and let the rest come as it does.

What I Was Thinking...

How could I think? I was furious! I still am! How could she betray me like that, my sweet Daisy! I loved her, every day, I held her in my head and in my heart, never forgetting the feeling of holding her hand. I vowed to return after the war, to find her waiting there, tears in her eyes and love in her heart, just like the first day. To find her, married to such a man as Tom, whatever his last name is! I was crushed, heart broken! But I knew, oh I knew deep down that she was true, she never really loved him. How could she? We were, are, soul mates, I know it! I touched her heart as she touched mine, and we would be together forever. If only I could show her that... That's why I had Nick, my good friend, oh what a sport he is, to bring us together again. And just like that, the spark was there once more, ignited hotter than ever. But now... She confessed... She loved him. My world is crushed, how... she promised to wait... My true love... Unfaithful... I cannot think, I love her... but does she love me?

Why I Kissed Her?

Why do cars drive? Why do birds fly, why does alcohol make men drunk? Why, that's what it was designed to do, Old Sport! So, why did I kiss the most beautiful woman in the entire world? Because I was made to, I was in this world, for her, and her alone. What a silly question! I just... When I saw those cherry red lips, luscious and lovely, whispering words of sweet passions to me... It sang to me, like a siren would sing to sailors in the ocean, irresistible, and oh so deadly. The way her lips moved against mine, it felt like the whole world stopped for those minutes. For all I knew, we were going to war again, but in that very moment, I felt as hot and at peace as any man before. I'd bet you all of my money, I would, that she doesn't kiss that horrid man with nearly such a love, such a desire and passion! Just thinking about it turns my heart inside out, and the fluttering in my stomach begins like a dance once more! Call me less of a man, but the feeling she gives me when those soft, velvet blood red lips touch mine, I'm on fire! I would kiss her every day of my life, every second, just to feel that fire, and oh how it burns! I... I love her, Old Sport. And I know she loves me! She'll leave him, I know she will, and we'll live together, move away in a large house, have balls and parties and, oh, she'll be happy! I just know it, right in my gut!

What Was I Feeling?

Well, I can tell you what I was feeling alright, and nothing too weak either. The evening was late, early for a famous party, but late to those who sat in bed and starred out into the world of dreams. If I recall correctly, it was about one in the morning, cars were just finishing their pick ups for all those guests who'd rather had enough of the flashing lights, and the smell of alcohol and sweat was none to pleasant, but drifted through the air, mixing in with the music. But no, that infernal smell which I've so come to know was drowned out by the lovely lady, oh, lovely can't even begin to describe her. The way she curved, that soft voice and golden hair like sunlight personified. I asked her to dance, not that she could hear me over the sound of drunken laughter and fresh music, but regardless, I took her hand. Those gloves, so soft in my hands, but nothing compared to her actual touch. I just couldn't help but imagine the palms of her feathery touch as I led her to dance. I drew her close, so close that I could feel her heart beat and every curve of that luscious skin of hers, so pale, like moonlight glowing. And as the music slowed, the world began to spin us, and it felt like nothing in the world was there, not Nick, sorry Old Sport, not every drunk man and screaming woman, not even that idiot of a man she was forced to marry. It was me and her, my woman, my soul mate, just her and me. 

What I Was Thinking...

Perhaps... perhaps I was thinking of her smile, that gorgeous smile of hers, with her lips stained the color of wine. The way she lights up the whole room just by the curl of her mouth, and the world is hers. Maybe I was thinking of her eyes, those deep, brown eyes like caramel, that melt and flow over her chocolate words. They catch the light and sparkle with golden flakes, like honey, smooth and soft. Or even her voice, a melody that whispers low and fills the room with awe, just by the way she says hello... God, her voice, I could listen to it for hours, it puts all pianos and violins to shame. Symphonies strive to sound like her. Maybe it's the way she walks, with such grace, such perfection that her clothes, like smoke, wrap around her and flow to the ground with endless beauty. Her steps put dancers to shame, with a new found art that is unreachable by the most talented of ballerinas. Or maybe...

Maybe I wasn't thinking at all. She numbs my mind and soothes the soul, with such a hot touch and such cool lips. Yes, that's it. I wasn't thinking, not the moment my lips touched hers, and my fingers intertwined with her body, not even the moment my soul was joined with hers. I thought for so many years, those years away in the war, every second, she was on my mind. I've thought about her more than any word that crossed my mind, or any prayer uttered across my lips. I thought about her every second I was away from her side. So perhaps that's the reason, that when I saw her... I needn't think at all.